Humans Need Humans

Dear friends from college at my dear home in NC. One of them even ended up being my brother in law.

A couple of weeks ago I volunteered at the Food Bank in our town for the first time. I cannot answer the question of what took me so long. But, I finally did it. I spent three hours chatting with strangers as we sorted donated foodstuff then handed the boxes to grateful, sometimes bashful, patrons. Then, I just kept chatting. I had no idea how lonely I was.

I am generally not a lonely person, let’s make that clear. But, for the last month I was either in a car alone or working in my mom’s house alone. I generally like being alone. I like to read, I like to think, I like to journal, I like to do yoga. I drove from Alaska to Idaho by myself, I went backpacking in Yellowstone by myself. Solitude does not frighten me.

But, until I walked away refreshed by talking with people for three hours I did not realize how much my soul also needed conversation. Right after I got home, my husband left for a three week solo adventure of his own. My youngest is the only child at home and she is either working, at the gym, or with friends. So, even when I got back there were long stretches of just me, the silence, and sometimes a Sandra Bullock movie in the background. I don’t share this with any kind of self pity. We are about six weeks away from a family travel adventure with plenty of quality time. Solitude will be a luxury. I wasn’t sad, I just didn’t realize I was lonely.

We humans are social creatures. We need connection to live. The amount of connection varies by individual, but oh how we need it. Research has evidence of babies and children failing to thrive and grow simply because they are not being touched or held enough. They aren’t starving or abused. . . .just left alone. We need each other.

Backman’s newest book, My Friends, lands that message with a wallop. He is so incredibly good at exposing the raw side of horrible things just after making you laugh out loud all by yourself at the park. He is a poetic novelist that seems to understand the nuances of human nature with an insight that has probably cost him something.

I read this book while holding my breath, waiting for the tragedies to just keep unfolding. He is patient with it. The stories are told in a back and forth manner, zipping you between timelines and then bringing them all together at the end with a happy sigh at the last page. The man can write.

Do I recommend you read it? Yes. But, I also recommend you connect with someone today. You need it, they need it. Make the call, volunteer, send a note, give the hug. The soul will thank you.